Vulnerability in Female led relationship

Vulnerability in a relationship means that your partner knows things that are very sensitive to you.

Vulnerability in a relationship means that your partner knows things that can be used to emotionally hurt you.

Vulnerability in a relationship is also necessary to deepen the relationship.

A Female Led Relationship, any other D/s relationship, or even a kinky relationship has vulnerability as one of the building blocks of the foundation of the relationship. Vulnerability can be dangerous, not only when exploited but also when not handled well. Let’s deep dive into it with respect to an FLR.

What is Vulnerability exactly ?

When your man opens up to you that he has submissive desires, he is expressing something that is very unconventional. This can be misjudged, criticized or even raise questions about his masculinity. He is aware of all these facts yet he expresses his submissive desires because he trusts you. He is being vulnerable to you. Not just his fantasies, but expressing his feelings, like anger, sadness, frustration, depression, etc, also make him vulnerable.

Why are even talking about this?

Vulnerability is very sensitive. It is directly linked to the person’s emotional part of the brain. Suppose your man had expressed his submissive desires but you, in return, judged him or did not accept his opinion with an open mind. What impact is it going to have on him? He is going to be demotivated to express himself in future.

To give you a more relatable example, in our childhood, we used to share everything with our parents. Why? Because they showed acceptance towards us. As we grew up, they started showing hesitations in accepting some of the facts, whether it was you wearing certain types of clothes, or you picking up fights with your fellow students, or you having crush on someone that they did not approve of, etc. You may even have not shared many instances with them because they had reacted negatively to a similar incident in the past and sharing the current incident is only going to get you a punishment or scolding from your parents.

You did not stop loving your parents, but you became selectively open with them. You did not change yourself, but the relationship changed.

“Ok Miss Sana, but why are we discussing all this on an FLR blog?“

It is because you do not want this to happen in your Female Led Relationship. At its core, vulnerability behaves the same way. If someone does not get acceptance after opening up, that person gradually starts distancing himself from his confidant regarding that particular vulnerability.

The FLR aspect

Once your man opens up, you can either show an interest in the idea or right out reject it. The latter is the worst reaction you can give to your man. His trust, his openness, his vulnerability is going to form a protective wall in his mind for any relevant future conversations.

If you show an interest, you can either like the idea or dislike the idea after learning more about it. At first, he will really appreciate that you tried to understand him and his fantasies. His trust factor and vulnerability and your relationship as a whole will deepen and grow. If you dislike the idea, don’t directly reject it, rather explain to him that you respect his fantasies but it is not something that turns you on or something that you would like to be a part of. There is always a humble way and a rude way of rejecting things.

If you are on board with the idea, the sensitivity of vulnerability does not just end here, it is just the beginning.

Imagine you are sharing your deepest secrets with him. You might tell him something like, “You know baby, I was really fat in my teenage and boys used to tease me a lot. I became very self-conscious. It took a great deal of emotional effort to get over it.” After a few days, you guys are having some conversation in which he jokingly makes a remark, ”I love pampering you with your favorite foods, but don’t put on much weight, I might need to find another eye candy for myself.”

Even though it was a joking remark from his side, it would trigger your teenage thoughts. You will think that the guy you trusted the most in this world is also one of those teenage assholes who cannot accept you the way you are. Moreover, you had expressed your vulnerability about being fat with him, still, he makes that remark. It is going to hurt you.

Ladies, the same is true with men. Making fun of his submissiveness can be a very sensitive topic. He may feel that you feel lowly of him just because he is submissive. It might give an impression that you think he is weak. Your man might be very insecure about his submission and as a Dom, you need to help him overcome this fear instead of mocking it.

There are men, who are into humiliation and might like this idea, but this is a conversation for some future article.

Well listened vs Well perceived :

You might be a good listener, but you need to understand his vulnerabilities. You need to understand what he is trying to convey. He has unintentional expectations from you once you agree to explore his fantasies as a couple. Vulnerability needs to be nourished; it needs to be handled carefully. You cannot just ignore it. You have to acknowledge it. You need to be empathetic. He needs to be convinced that you understand his desires and you are willing to make efforts.

If your man sees that his expression of his feelings and fantasies is not making any impact on you, he will gradually stop expressing it. Once that mental block is formed, it becomes difficult for him to get over it. If he has expressed himself multiple times for the same thing, and you always accept the idea but never implement it, he is going to stop trying. His feelings will not change, just their expression will stop.

There is a difference between how well you listen and how well you perceive. Do you just not reject the idea or do you understand, accept and implement the idea?

Benefits of Vulnerability

There are many benefits of this sensitive tool :

• It deepens your bond.
• It induces a sense of belonging in the relationship.
• It makes you feel loved and light-hearted since you are expressive.
• It can help reduce conflict since you know the deepest sides of your partner.
• Vulnerability enhances trust.
• It makes your partner feel special. It is a privilege to see someone’s sensitive side.

Conclusion

The sensitivity of vulnerability is difficult to explain. A single post might not be enough to exactly convey the idea. (I will definitely write more about it in the future). However, all you need to understand is that you do not want to lose your partner emotionally. You want to be his outlet of submissive desires. His expression of his fantasies is a true gift for you since he has indirectly shown that you’re his woman of fantasies, his biggest confidant and his go to person who never judges. Acknowledge this gift and handle it with care.

Do not make him feel lonely in his submission. Be a part of his beautiful journey and become his ultimate destination.

Keep Dominating.