What Not to Do :
I have come across so many websites that say things like “Stealth Submission” or “Start treating her like a queen already”. These things might look good in the imagination but are not very practical. Some of the reasons why these might not be the ideal options are listed below :
- At a point in time, you will find yourself lonely in the relationship because you will feel like it is only you who is carrying this relationship forward.
- Your partner might be totally indifferent towards your submissive behaviour. It’s only in fantasy-based-erotica that wives get turned on by such behaviour.
- Your submission may actually push your wife away from you if not done right.
- It can arouse suspicion as well.
And so on…
The best way to begin a Female Led Relationship is to communicate with your partner. Imagine your girlfriend or wife asking you for an FLR or a WLM when you have no idea what an FLR or Femdom is. Nope, Do not read on. First Imagine.
If she starts speaking things like chastity, orgasm denial, ball torture, tied and whipped slave, obviously you are going to freak out, right? Then why do you expect your wife to listen patiently and not freak out?
What to Do? :
A better way (Possibly the most appropriate one) is to explain to her how much she means to you and how willing are you to put her happiness before yours. If the conversation goes well, you can even try to hint that you fantasize about submitting to her totally. Obviously, your wife is a mature person (that is why you are willing to trust her as a Dom), so if you follow a logical approach, that will work out. Do not try the methods you hear in Femdom erotica like ‘locking yourself and handing her the key’ or ‘start submitting secretively and one day reveal it to her’ or ‘ Get a latex outfit for her and tell her the fantasies you have and how is it going to put sexual focus on her’
You should explain to her with the following reasons :
- Why are you willing to submit?
- What will she get out of this relationship?
- What will you get out of this relationship?
- Why are you willing to change the current dynamic?
- How is this thing going to make you both happy?
Once you have explained the above points, let her know that she can think about it. PLEASE DON’T ASK HER TO GOOGLE ABOUT THIS!!!!! I cannot stress this enough. There’s a ton of junk available on the internet which is either going to freak her out or make her lose her interest completely. I am pretty sure that you would already have some sensible reference articles to share with her. Send her those. Wait for her response, let her take a couple of days if she wants. If she doesn’t bring this up even after that, tell her that you are awaiting her thoughts on this. Keep a completely open communication and don’t flood your fantasies upon her yet.
How to follow up?
Ask her about her hesitations, her thoughts and her fears. Remember, don’t push her. Let her move at her own pace. You need to remember that FLR is all about her and you should not be letting your fantasies and desires overpower your submission. Once you get to know about her ideas and thought process, you can refer her to the appropriate material such as books, blogs, forums and so on. If you are not aware of good quality FLR material, here I have mentioned my favorite resources and books.
Make her work easy!
If she is interested in reading, good. If not, you can summarize the books for her. You can go through the plethora of articles and shortlist the ones suitable for her. She can let you know the specific topics she might be interested in and you can find good and sensible material on that. It is the education phase of your relationship. One thing you need to keep in mind is to be unbiased while referring her to any material or article. There might be some things in that article that you don’t like but your partner should be aware of such things. She gets to choose the things she likes and ignore the things that she doesn’t. Do not try to mould her into the Dom of your dreams, get moulded into the submissive of her dreams. Remember, we know about traditional relationships as we have seen those since our childhood but we need to spend time on getting educated about a new dynamic. Do not try to skip the educational part of the FLR just because it isn’t as fun as the kinky part. You need to set up a strong base before moving to the fun part.
Communicate
Suppose she develops some fantasies that you are not interested in. She cannot force her fantasies upon you if those are your hard-limits. This brings us to the point of discussing your hard limits. Femdom is a very emotional relationship for both partners and even a slightly wrong stimulus can trigger waves of emotions. Thus, you both need to be aware of each other’s fantasies, hard-limits, turn-ons, turn-offs etc. The key to all this is COMMUNICATION.
Talk ! Talk ! and TALK ! Talk about everything. Once you get comfortable talking only then you would be able to disclose your wildest fantasies to her. She might also be hesitant to disclose her wildest fantasies. So just talk. Talk to listen and understand, not to prove your point. Talk to make her feel heard and respected, not to manipulate her into accepting your fantasies. And here we are…. You’ve just started your FLR. The key to a long-term Female Led Relationship is a strong base. A strong base is built upon Honesty, Trust, Love and Communication. If you follow the above steps, you are laying down a solid foundation for your FLR. That’s it for now. You need to further define the dynamics of your relationship based on your preferences. Learn from others but build your own dynamic. Do not compare your FLR with other couples. Be kinky and keep moving forward.
