Have you ever noticed how effortlessly a man can slip into submission—yet for many women, embracing dominance feels like an uphill climb?
Well, I certainly did, and it got me wondering: why is that? Why does it look like the man can easily become a submissive but a woman finds it challenging to assume a dominant role?
In my journey as a dominant woman, I’ve come to see that this paradox comes down to two very different paths of self-discovery.
For him, it is exploring his hidden desires further.
For her, it is the development of new traits!
He was ahead in this journey:
Men who introduce their wives to the Female Led Relationship lifestyle have already explored plenty of things. They have figured out what they like, what they don’t like, what is absolutely a need for them and what is an absolute red flag in an FLR.
They have already gone through the journey of learning the basics of Femdom, the BDSM jargons, designing their ideal FLR in their head, etc. Once they have it all sorted in their heads, that is when they introduce their wives to this dynamic. (Read setting up the perfect tailor-made Female Led Relationship)
Thus, submission becomes relatively easier because they are already ahead and know a lot of stuff.
Becoming more of oneself
The man is not changing who he is. Instead, he is embracing who he is. He discovered his submissive side and he is feeding it to grow it further.
Whereas, in the case of the woman, she has to find and develop her dominant side. She has to learn the roles and responsibilities of taking charge. She has to learn to lead in her relationship, in the bedroom and in the household.
The man had space to explore
This is a very important point. The man had independence and the space to explore this dynamic. He could learn freely, explore the resources and form a mindset. He had no one expecting results or submissive behaviour from him.
He could mold his submission the way he wanted to.
For the woman, the man has already laid down his expectations and fantasies. The woman does not get a chance to develop her own interests. Rather, she feels the pressure to act according to her man’s desires. She feels enslaved to the expectations even if she is being called a Dom.
This acts counterproductive if the man is not understanding enough. In most of the cases the man is so blinded by the kinks that he doesn’t understand the headspace his mistress is going through.
(Read how to introduce your wife to a Female Led Relationship)
Battling Conditioning
Both partners have to battle the patriarchal inhibitions indoctrinated in them during their upbringing. The man was taught to do what he wants and to not be a submissive husband. The wife was taught to make sacrifices for her husband’s happiness.
However, the difference is that a little girl faces much more conditioning while being raised as a kid as compared to a little boy.
Women are taught, explicitly and implicitly, to be accommodating, polite, and agreeable. From childhood tea parties where the “princess” waits to be rescued, to office dynamics where assertive women are labeled “bossy,” we learn that taking charge isn’t just unusual—it’s socially risky.
Thus, the woman has to overcome years of conditioning and take a completely opposite role in a Female Led Relationship.
Developing New Muscles
Dominance doesn’t come pre-packaged; it’s a skill you cultivate. I had to practice setting clear boundaries, issuing commands, and trusting my own judgment—over and over—before it felt natural. Every time I spoke up, negotiated a play scene, or guided my slave’s actions, I was strengthening those muscles of authority. (Why more women are embracing Female Led Relationships?)
Overcoming the Submission Surprise
When a man first submits, he often expects a fantasy replay of his own desires. Instead, he discovers my world—my rules, my pace, my vision of pleasure. Suddenly, he’s doing chores he never knew he’d do, following rituals he didn’t design, and, yes, obeying when he’d rather rebel. That flip can feel overwhelming.
The man usually starts a Female Led Relationship with the expectations of kinks, fetishes and fantasy plays. He wants his wife to dominate him more and more. He wants her to take control of the household, clothes, his routine, and in some cases, even the finances. But soon he realizes that giving away control isn’t easy.
He enjoyed it till the time she was learning to take charge because he was the one who was teaching her. So technically, he was in control. However, once she has gone through the learning and growth phase, the man actually isn’t in control anymore. He now has to obey her every time, do mundane tasks and completely lose control of the sex life.
But by this time, it is too late to go back because the wife has already embraced and accepted this dynamic.
(Read what is practical slavery in a Female Led Relationship)
The Resource Gap
One more thing: almost all FLR content is made for a male gaze. Tutorials, erotica, even kinky podcasts—geared toward teaching him how to kneel, not her how to stand tall. When women finally seek out guidance, they often hit a wall of confusing jargon or shame-laden advice. It’s no wonder so many freeze when faced with the question, “How do I take the lead?”
Also read – Reading recommendations by Miss Sana for Female Led Relationship.
Charting Your Path to Power
- Start Small: Give yourself permission to make one decision today—anything from choosing tonight’s movie to planning a weekend activity.
- Learn the Language: Read FLR forums or watch tutorials aimed at dominants. Yes, they exist—you just have to dig past the “for him” marketing.
- Practice with Play: Role-play scenarios with clear rules and safe words. Every successful scene builds confidence.
- Communities: Find fellow dominant women—online or off—to swap stories, advice, and encouragement.
Embracing dominance is a journey—one that asks you to rewrite decades of conditioning. But trust me: once you feel the thrill of guiding another’s pleasure, you’ll wonder why you ever hesitated. So lean into your power, take that first bold step, and know that there’s an entire community rooting for you.