The title may sound odd at first—how can you serve a Dom when there’s no Dom in your life yet? But if you’re a submissive man (or anyone interested in D/s dynamics), this article will give you real, actionable insights on preparing yourself for a future Mistress.
A personal story to start with
When my slave first approached me about having a Female Led Relationship (FLR), he didn’t come to me with just kinks and fantasies like most men do. Instead, he talked about what I would gain. He explained how an FLR could benefit me and our relationship as a whole. He even told me to take my time learning about Femdom, and offered me a list of quality articles to avoid the garbage that’s floating around online.
Naturally, I did my own research, but what I found was overwhelming: exaggerated fantasies, degrading punishments, and nonsense about treating men like trash. It was intimidating enough to make me doubt whether I should even consider the idea. When I confessed this to him (back when we were still a vanilla couple!), he simply said, “That’s why I wanted to give you the good resources—so you wouldn’t have to deal with that.”
That moment told me something important: even before I became his Domme, he was already thinking about my comfort first. And that’s what true submission is about.
If you’re a submissive man without a Dom right now, you can still start serving her in advance by preparing yourself, developing skills, and saving her time and energy later. Here’s how:
1. Learn What Real Submission Means
Most men have submissive fantasies but few understand real submission. A fantasy may revolve around a particular kink, but an actual FLR isn’t about getting your own fetishes satisfied on demand.
For example, maybe you love tease and denial. But what if your Mistress isn’t in the mood to tease you? What if she has sex on her terms and allows you to orgasm every time? Technically, that’s still Femdom but your fantasy isn’t fulfilled. If your submission depends only on a kink being fed, you’ll quickly become frustrated.
A true submissive accepts that fantasies are granted at her discretion, not yours. Learn to serve first because submission is about giving up control, not chasing constant gratification.
2. Understand Real Service (Not Just Service-for-Reward)
Many submissives think of service as a way to “earn” a hot D/s session. That mindset will fail quickly. If you expect a reward every time you serve, you’ll eventually resent it when no reward comes. You may even lash out or say things that hurt your Dom.
You do it because it makes her life easier, happier, more comfortable, not because you expect something in return.
Read books, blogs, and articles about genuine service. Learn how to bring value to her life. Save the best resources to share with your future Mistress, she will appreciate that you’ve already done the work.
3. Develop Practical Skills
Serving a woman often involves practical tasks and doing them well. If you think you’ll instantly paint her nails like a pro or give flawless massages, think again. Basic skills take practice:
- painting nails neatly
- massaging her feet, shoulders, or back
- straightening or styling hair
- cooking meals to her taste
- washing and caring for her hair
- taking good photos (she might be a blogger or influencer!)
These things may sound simple, but doing them well shows real effort. Watch tutorials on YouTube, read how-to guides, or even take a short course if you’re serious. When the time comes, you’ll be ready to serve competently, not clumsily.
Read – What is well-trained slave?
4. Learn About Female Anatomy and Pleasure
This part is critical—and often overlooked. Many men don’t even know where the clitoris is, let alone how to stimulate it properly. Others rely on porn as their “sex education,” which is misleading since most porn is designed for male pleasure, not female.
Start reading about the vulva and vagina (yes, they’re different!). Learn how women experience arousal and orgasm. There are educational videos, even on porn sites, that explain how to touch, lick, and stimulate a woman’s body in ways that actually please her.
Remember: every woman is different. Knowledge gives you a solid foundation, but you’ll still need to pay attention to her specific preferences.
Recommended read – How to get trained as a male slave in a female led relationship?
5. Stay Flexible—Your Future Dom May Surprise You
You might have an image of what your future Mistress looks like or how she behaves. Be careful not to prepare only for ‘that fantasy woman‘. The real woman you meet may have completely different desires and expectations.
Stay open, stay adaptable, and keep your focus on becoming a genuinely good submissive. That way, no matter who your Mistress turns out to be, you’ll be ready to meet her needs—not just your imagination.
Serving Before You Even Meet Her
The learning, practicing, and effort you put in now is an investment in your future FLR. A Domme will notice and appreciate a man who has already trained himself to be useful, knowledgeable, and service-oriented.
So:
- Focus on becoming the best slave she could ever have.
- Serve without expecting immediate rewards.
- Develop practical skills.
- Learn real female anatomy and real submission.
- Stay flexible and adaptable.
A good slave makes a happy Mistress. And a happy Mistress is what makes an FLR thrive. So keep learning, keep preparing, and keep serving—even if she hasn’t arrived yet.