Before you skip this article, I would like you to know that it DOES NOT contain stuff like :
- Spanking
- Locking in a chastity
- Corner Standing
- CBT
- Orgasm Denial/ Ruined Orgasm
Or any other fancy “FEMDOM” stuff that you might have read on the internet.
So, what are we going to talk about?
An important aspect that majority of people do not focus on in a Female Led Relationship is the ‘Why’. Why is he disobeying me? Why is he not enjoying when I’m loving his submission? Why is there is a feeling of something lacking? Why is he unhappy and unfulfilled?
It doesn’t matter if you are a Dom or a sub, this article is going to help you understand the psychology of a submissive and what is his thought process. For the sake of this article, I am going to assume that the submissive is disobedient, not a brat and/or is unhappy because of genuine reasons. Actually, these reasons can sometimes be so deep that even the submissive is not able to figure out what exactly is missing in the relationship. This unfulfilled need, in many cases, leads to a scenario that is commonly termed as “Topping from the Bottom”. Submissives try to take control of the relationship through manipulation in the hope that their unfulfilled need is going to get fulfilled. So, what exactly are we talking about here? Let’s jump into it.
FLR is not very different from a vanilla relationship in terms of emotional foundation. Just as you want to be constantly reminded that you are loved in a traditional relationship, same way you need to be constantly reminded that you are loved and dominated in a Female Led Relationship. What usually happens in an FLR is that the sub starts serving his Domme , obeys her orders, adjusts to her needs and puts her pleasure before his. He does all this stuff so that he can make his Goddess happy & satisfied and make her life easier.
His service is a constant reminder to her Goddess that she is the Dominant in the relationship and that her terms and conditions are prevalent in their dynamic.
Let’s look at it from a sub’s perspective. He is constantly serving the Domme and fulfilling her needs & desires. He tries to accept the new dynamic and his role as a submissive. He wants FLR wholeheartedly and tries to make his Domme feel powerful and make himself feel submissive. He constantly tries to send out messages –
to her Domme – that she is the Dom
and to himself that he is the sub.
This dynamic, after one point of time, makes him feel lonely. He feels like he is the only one making efforts in the relationship. He feels like he is the sole driver of their FLR. This happens in the cases where Dommes are not able to understand what things or activities actually make their submissive feel ‘submissive’. This is a very LONELY PLACE for a sub. The sub feels overwhelmed as he is not able to figure out why exactly he is listening to orders when he is not able to feel dominated.
Just as a Domme feels fulfilled by a sub’s service, the same way a submissive feels fulfilled by a Domme’s dominance. He craves for her dominance. He serves for her dominance. Don’t take it the wrong way. He is not serving to get dominated, but he needs to feel dominated to serve better. There’s a thin line between the two scenarios.
There’s a school of thought that is going to argue that if she is accepting his services, she is making him feel submissive. He should feel privileged to be able to serve her. Her acceptance of his services is the true dominance.
I don’t disagree. Being able to serve her is a privilege but if she was looking for a person who would just serve her, she would have got a servant. She needed someone who would serve her, make her feel empowered, treat her like a Goddess and embrace her dominance each day. She needs something more than just getting her physical needs satisfied.
“Getting just served from your sub is not going fulfil you. Just serving you as his Goddess is not going to fulfil him”
You might feel fulfilled instantly but it is not sustainable in the long term. You both need to understand each other’s psychology and thought process to be able to satisfy each other. As a Domme, you also need to send out reminders that you are the Boss. Making your sub feel like a sub is a very dynamic aspect. It differs from person to person. You need to openly communicate what activities/ things/ behaviour make him feel more submissive.
Don’t feel like you need to do extra stuff for your FLR. Just like a traditional partner loves to make efforts for her counterpart in a vanilla relationship, she would love to make efforts for her slave in a Female Led Relationship. Having a slave Bf/ Husband does not mean that his needs do not matter, it just means that your needs are superior to his.
Hope this helps to build a strong foundation for your FLR.
Happy dominating.
Hello, I find your articles very interesting and inspiring. I was wondering if you can suggest some podcasts Based on your view of flr/ wlr That I find very correct.
Thank you very much for your time and your answer