Dommes, especially the new ones, frequently face a dilemma –
“Am I dominating him too much? He’s so sweet and cute, I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable”
The voices inside their head, one that of a cute lover and the other that of a bossy bitch one, are in constant conflict and thus, comes up this question that we are going to answer today – “How much Domination is too much Domination?”
Let’s establish some assumptions here around which this article is going to revolve –
- The first and the MOST IMPORTANT one, you both have agreed that this Female Led Relationship is CONSENSUAL. Everything that you do in this relationship is consensual and you would do nothing to cross the boundary of consent.
- You both have already talked about what each one of you wants and does not want. You have had a proper healthy adult conversation about each other’s likes and dislikes. You are aware of what fantasies each one of you wants to fulfill through this relationship.
- You both have defined what all areas of this relationship will be dominated by the Mistress and what all areas will be controlled by the slave. It is not necessary that if she is the head of the household then she is going to control everything. Remember, the goal is to make her life easier, however it may be.
- You have established SAFE WORDS. So, under no circumstance should the Dom or sub carry the scene forward if the safe word has been spoken.
Coming back to our question (I’m addressing Dommes here) :
Probably he was the one who came up with the idea of a Femdom relationship. He told you that he wants to be a slave to you and wants to serve you. He might have even shared his fantasy about spanking, chastity, pegging or even cuckolding! This fantasy list is endless. He probably even has given you study material – Websites, books, blogs, etc., so that you can develop your knowledge. He was always there to take quick education sessions about femdom. He might not have told you, but many men secretly scroll through almost every article available on the website and then share with you the filtered and the best ones to make your research easy.
Why is he doing all that? Because he wants to be dominated! He craves your control. He wants you to control every aspect of his life that you both have discussed about. He wants that inner bossy bitch to takeover that lovely loving lady. I am going to tell you something from my experience and an “Internal secret that you should know”– Initially the relationship might be emotionally challenging more for you. But later on, it becomes challenging for him. He realises that he should have been “Careful for what he wished for”! But that is when there is no going back !
The growth in any relationship is measured by how much you both Love each other and how much you both are happy with each other. But FLR has one more dimension – It is called “Domination and submission”. How much your domination and his submission grow over time. Now pay attention ladies! Another “Internal secret that you should know”, he might not tell you directly, but he wants you to test and push his boundaries. He wants to feel like he is being forced to do things. We both know that everything happening in your dynamic is consensual, but he wants to feel forced. Many a times, he is going to refuse or nag before doing certain task. It is not because he doesn’t want to do it. It is because he wants to feel forced for doing it.
The cute loving lady inside you thinks that you are pushing him too much and that is why he is nagging. That is rarely the case! Read this fact above daily! He craves your control even when he nags. Later, he will be thankful because you pushed him.
If you will be dominating too much or your domination becomes out of control, he has safe words. He is going to use them. Trust those safe words and let your natural domination reign.
If he has a chastity fantasy and you like to keep him locked, keep him for as long you as want! Control his penis however you want. You may think that you aren’t being fair to him. But that’s exactly this FLR is all about, isn’t it? This relationship is unfair and biased towards you!
If you think spanking him, trampling him, slapping him or any other type of corporal punishment is necessary, do it. (Again, assuming that you both have talked about this earlier. Don’t get caught up in domestic violence case, lol).
Last and one of the most important fact I want to highlight here is many Dommes totally ignore the mental domination factor. They think that just making him do the work or just locking his dick in a cage is going to make him submissive. N! a BIG NO!. This is where the domination might feel too much for him because he has a disconnect between how much he is being dominated and how much dominated he feels. Read this line again! He has a disconnect between how much he is being dominated and how much dominated he feels. You need to make him feel submissive. Get inside his brain and tell him why he should serve you. Why are you the one in charge and not him. Daily feed him with the ‘WHY’. I’m not going to go into much detail here. You can checkout my article about “Behavioural Conditioning” for more knowledge around this.
To conclude, there is nothing like too much domination.Stay yourself and whatever comes to you naturally, just let it flow in the relationship. Safe words are established for a reason, so trust them. Domination just grows over time, same as love, respect, care, understanding, communication and other aspects of a healthy relationship.
Keep dominating.
