This article is written from a submissive’s perspective.
None of the points below are overthinking. The purpose of this article is to make you understand that it is normal to be fearful while starting out FLR. It is normal to get all types of random thoughts that might not even make sense. So, let’s jump into the article.
Female Led Relationship can be daunting at times. No, not just for Women but for men as well. There are a lot of changes that men also have to face while taking up the role of a submissive in the relationship.
When I discovered that I was interested in a Female Led Relationship, my initial thoughts were to just be at the beck and call of my Mistress and follow her every lead blindly. I wanted her to take charge of everything and order me around whenever she wanted. Admit it, every man begins with kinky thoughts unless one day, he decides to think from a holistic view.
These are the thoughts that I got when I was suggesting FLR. These are the fears that popped up in my head which kind of put me in a dilemma about whether I really wanted FLR or not:
- My value in the relationship: I had a fear that I would be taken for granted in the relationship. I had a fear of whether my devotion and efforts will be recognized or not. I knew that I was going to make mistakes but whether the guilt that I feel after those mistakes willbeunderstood or not. If sometimes, I am feeling low, whether I will be pampered and served or not.
I had too many thoughts before beginning this Femdom relationship. I was scared to lose my current respect as a boyfriend. I have always adored the importance she gave to me and I was not sure if I wanted to trade that for an FLR. It is not that I would not get importance in an FLR, but I was just fearful that I might not. - Turning back point: After reading so many confessions, stories and forums, I had a perception that after one point, Women tend to enjoy the relationship far more than men. Women realize what they’ve been missing out on and then there is no turning back!
I was fearful of this fact. We have always been told, “Be careful what you wish for”. I was fearful that I might get on a ‘One Way Trap’. I was fearful if I had evaluated everything correctly and if I really wanted FLR. I wondered what am I going to do if I did not want to be in an FLR anymore but this has become a dealbreaker for her. Am I going to lose the love of my life just because she has fallen so much in love with her Dominant side that she is ready to lose me and keep her dominance? - The Safe Word: Imagine a BDSM scene where you are gagged and your hands are tied from a rope attached to the ceiling such that you’re partially suspended. Imagine you are blindfolded and naked with a chastity cage on. The only way you can ask her is to ring a small bell that you’re holding in your hand. Your Mistress picks up her cane to spank you, begins slowly and then increases the intensity with each blow.
After some time, she has reached a point where it is the maximum intensity that you can bear. You bear 5-6 blows and then ring your bell. BUT! She does not stop, she continues to hit you because she is so much in the zone. You have tears flowing down your eyes and you are continuously ringing the bell, literally begging in your muffled voice with each ring to stop! And she finally realizes after 10 more blows that you are ringing the bell. She stops, opens your hands, the blindfold and the gag and you fall down on the floor, crying and weeping.
You feel broken. You feel empty. Your trust has been shaken badly. You cannot feel submissive anymore. It is because you cannot trust your Dom anymore. The person you trusted the most has crossed the limit and it feels like you have lost yourself in the journey of finding yourself. Not only that, you might not even love the love of your life anymore.
Sounds dreadful. One of my biggest fears! - Back to Vanilla: This fear is contrary to point 2. Many Doms in FLR have a tendency to fall back into the vanilla zone after some time. I have a fear that I might start loving the Dom so much that I do not want to love the Vanilla woman anymore.
If my FLR stops existing, I might start getting attracted to Women outside my relationship. I am loyal but I am a human being who has fantasies. It is normal to get attracted to what fantasizes you. I fear that it will hamper my current relationship. I fear that my fantasies will remain unfulfilled in my “Back to Vanilla” relationship. - Not a Good Sub: I want FLR to make my Mistress the happiest woman on this planet. I want her to know that I am there for her, no matter what and she can rely on me. What if I am not able to do this? What if I mess things up? What if she does not feel this way? What if I start topping from the bottom? What if I do not fulfil her expectations?
I have told her so much about how much I love her, and how much I want to serve and worship her. I’ve made promises and given her expectations. I fear that I might not be practically able to do all this. - Extreme Fantasies: I fear that my Mistress might develop extreme fantasies. For example, I am not into cuckolding but what if my Mistress wants that? Would I be able to even imagine her with another man? What if she wants to do public humiliation? Would I be able to handle that? She might want to tell her best friends about my chastity. I would not want that. What if she wants financial domination at a later stage and I don’t?
There are so many fantasies that might be a hard limit for me. If I have surrendered to her, I should help her fulfill those. She listened to me when I shared my fantasies about a Female Led Relationship. If she is ready to try FLR for me, I should also be willing to try out her fantasies. I am doubtful what will happen in case of hard-limit fantasies. I fear there will be unsaid grudges. I fear there might be a communication barrier. The whole purpose of FLR is to serve her and fulfill her fantasies but fantasies change with time. I fear that new fantasies might be too extreme. - My respect in her eyes: I fear that she will actually start thinking of me as a pathetic worm. I fear that she will think of me less as a man. I fear she will think that there are more masculine men out there. I fear she will not recognize that my masculinity is in my complete submission. I fear that she will not look at me the way she looked at me at the beginning of our relationship.
Well, I know this blog might not be appreciated by many people as these are my personal feelings and thoughts. If you resonate with them, be happy that you are not alone. If you do not resonate, be happy as you are saved from such thoughts.
To reiterate, these thoughts are not a result of overthinking. It is normal to have such thoughts. I am pretty sure that many men get such thoughts, these are just unsaid till date. This might be due to the fact that men do not want to seem weak or maybe because they don’t understand how to put their feelings into words as these fears are difficult to explain.
However, it is always a better idea to be expressive and discuss everything with your partner.
Keep serving.
