Female Led Relationship or Just a Sexual Fetish?

BDSM world is infamous for its ‘impracticality’ in the minds of vanilla people. To be clear, BDSM stands for :

• Bondage and Discipline
• Domination and Submission
• Sadism and Masochism

The bad reputation of BDSM is just because of the fact that it is portrayed majorly as a physical activity in the mainstream media and vanilla people are not able to relate it to lovemaking. Beating someone’s ass out in the name of lovemaking seems some sort of insane behavior to them.

Wait, Miss Sana, this is not what the title of this article talks about, why are you telling us all this?

I know, but as you guys are aware, I like to throw around a few dots just to connect them later on.

What I am trying to say is that people usually perceive BDSM as just some sort of physical play. They do not realize that under the umbrella of BDSM lies a whole lifestyle. It is not just about fulfilling one’s kinks, but it is about adopting a lifestyle. Just as different religions have different lifestyles, same way Vanilla and BDSM are different lifestyles. Just like different religions can have similar practices, Vanilla and BDSM can also overlap at times. For example, a vanilla couple can incorporate spanking into their bedroom, or they can tie their partner up just to spice up things. Mind you! They are not following a BDSM lifestyle, they are just trying out a few things.

Now, for me, FLR ( or a  Female Led Relationship ) falls under the umbrella of BDSM. This means that for me, FLR is not just about tying up my man or locking his dick in a cage, but it is about following a lifestyle with my man being a submissive and obedient slave and I being authoritative and dominant. This dynamic is not just confined just to the bedroom but applied to our lives. My domination prevails in all the areas of our lives that we consensually agree to.

Many men want to begin FLR or Femdom because they realize that being a sub to a dominant woman turns them on. They begin to watch porn, read erotica, jerk off to captions or search for Doms. A common theme here is that they are trying to satisfy their physical fantasies. Very few men are out there who actually learn about ethical FLR before actually trying it out with their partners.

Do they really want FLR?

Would they be able to submit to the authority of a woman?

Would they be willing to accept another person as their dominant and guide?

Would they be able to abide by Dom’s decisions in case of disagreements?

Would they be obedient to their Dom?

The BIGGEST QUESTION IS: Would they be willing to stay in FLR if sex/ BDSM scenes were totally removed from the picture??

If the last question sounds scary to you, think about FLR again. Men preach that they want to start FLR so that they can satisfy and prioritize their partner. They say that want to submit to them, obey them and serve them. They even agree to let the women rule the household. But is it all out of submission? Or are they doing it because they want to get some fantasy-based action later on?

Submissive men tend to act out after some time just because they realize that the FLR that they are in does not look like the FLR they imagined. They do not see themselves –

• being whipped
• used as a footstool
• Serving Mistress and her Friends naked in a chastity
• Become a butler, chauffer, cleaner, plumber, etc.
• Used as an ashtray

And so on….

What they are actually getting is a partner who –

• Tells them to bring groceries.
• Decides the plans for weekends.
• Pokes him at his small mistakes.
• Tells him to get her stuff from the other room when they both are comfy in a blanket.
• Tells him to leave his comfy bed and to go to the other room because you both have to attend office calls at the same while working from home.

And so on….

These points might sound turning on to you at the moment, but believe me, if you are actually not a submissive, you are going to freak out.  You would not want to fulfill the demands of your partner every time. You would question yourself. You would rethink your decision about FLR. You would think if you actually ever wanted FLR or just naughty sex. You might even pick a fight with your partner.

This behavior and repulsion from a man’s side will not just give him a reality check but it will also discourage her to act dominant. Many women actually feel hesitant to dominate their partners initially and this behavior makes it further challenging. Believe me, it happens a lot more than you can imagine. Men ask for FLR, they realize it is more difficult than they had imagined, they act out and the woman is discouraged to continue FLR further.

The point I am trying to make here is that kink, fun and naughty elements in FLR is just going to be 10-20% of your daily time. Even if you have more naughty time right now, it is going to get down, just like the initial spark reduces and flattens in a regular relationship with time. The domination will not decrease but the practical aspects will consume more time than the fun aspects. So, if you, as a man, are trying to get into an FLR, think about how much you want it. Would you still want it if you were not a sex slave to her? Would you want it if no bondage or discipline activity was incorporated? Would you want it if she does not treat you like a filthy pig? Would you want it if she is just herself and you have to submit to her without any change in your sex life?

I’m not saying that as a submissive you should not have any expectation or desire of kinky stuff but if you are a true and ethical submissive, you would want her to be dominant equally in other aspects as well. It is her decision how much she wants to control the different aspects of your relationship. You might want Financial Domination but she might prefer you to handle finances. As a submissive, you need to agree to her decisions and accept them. You can put up your fantasies in front of her but her decision needs to prevail.

This is how you transform your Female Led Relationship into a lifestyle instead of just being a sexual fetish.

Keep Dominating.