The thing I’m going to discuss here is a very common scenario that many couples come across in their journey of a Female Led Relationship. It happens in almost every FLR dynamic, especially when the couple is just starting out, and if left unattended, it can do great harm to their relationship.
I’m talking about FALLING BACK TO VANILLA LIFESTYLE AFTER SOME TIME. Yes! Most of the FLR couples out there, especially the ones will be able to resonate with this statement. They discuss the perfect FLR, set up rules, probably have a couple of Mistress Slave scenes and then, after some days, they just fall back into their routine lives. The charm and the excitement start to fade away and FLR becomes a side activity. Many a time it happens because the woman in the relationship realizes that she is more herself in a vanilla(or traditional) lifestyle and the Femdom world does not seem or feel right.
REASON WHY SHE FALLS BACK INTO VANILLA ROLE :
Why is it that mostly a man comes up with the idea of a Female Led Relationship and the Woman has to learn new things? Why is it that a Woman has to learn new kinks and fetishes and adjust as per the man’s kinks? Why does a Woman have to assume a new role whereas the man can be himself i.e., sumbmissive?
Men put so much emphasis on the kink factor in FLR that Women start feeling suffocated rather than liberated in the relationship. They feel like they have to “Act” dominant to keep their man happy. A Woman does not feel like herself in the relationship, she feels like she is constantly being pushed to act as a Dominatrix existing in her man’s fantasy. This frustrates her. That is why she tends to fall back to the vanilla role after some time. She feels more accepted and comfortable in the vanilla role. She does not feel the constant burden of 24/7 pretentiousness during the day.
A man begins the Female Led Relationship by saying things like –
“You’re the leader”,
“the power is yours”,
“Female-Centric Relationship”,
“I’m going to support you no matter what”,
“You’re my Goddess and I’ll obey”,
and BLAH BLAH BLAH! But all this BS sustains only till the time his kinks are getting fulfilled. This all sustains till the time his Woman is acting as per his fantasies. As soon as the woman slips into her original self, the man suddenly becomes a victim of an unsatisfied relationship in which he is not understood and the woman is the culprit because she is not “Dominant Enough”
What happens next :
The couple falls back into the vanilla zone after experiencing a few days of kink. This might not be a great deal for the woman in the relationship but the man continues to fantasize about Femdom kinks. He still jerks off to porn and imagines about certain kinks. He tries to suppress these feelings but ironically, the more he suppresses these feelings, the more powerful these feelings become. They emerge back stronger and stronger each time he suppresses them. There comes a time when the man finally accepts the fact that his fantasies will just remain fantasies and are not going to be fulfilled with the partner.
Another possibility is that the man may start to feel disconnected in the relationship. He sees that his wife is not understanding enough and does not support his fantasies. What he is not able to see is the fact that he himself might be responsible for her behavior.
Consequences ??
Continuous suppression of fantasies can lead to an interesting phenomenon that can happen. I’ve come across a person who developed hatred towards FLR. When I had a deeper conversation with him, he explained that FLR was like a toy that a kid’s parents would not buy him. He would try to convince them to get him the toy but they would just not buy it. At one point in time, the kid would start trying to find flaws and negative points in the toy just to explain his conscience why he does not want to own that toy and make up for the void of that toy in his life. And continuously thinking about those negative points will develop an unconscious hatred in his mind for that toy. Finally, he does not want that toy anymore (or at least he feels that he does not want.)
I had never thought from such a perspective!!! Women out there need to understand what might happen to their men if they don’t get what they want. I don’t want you to get scared and jump into FLR just to avoid this consequence but I also don’t want you to completely ignore the fact of how beautiful FLR is and can be. So, the question is, what to do?
The Solution to the problem :
Imagine a man who is submissive at times and at times he is not. He becomes a submissive as per his choice and mood. You would definitely not want such a man as your submissive, right? Now think of the same scenario from a submissive’s perspective. He would not want a Dominant who assumes a Dominant role as per her mood. The point to note here is that assuming a ‘Dominant role’ and ‘acting as a Dominant at all times’ are two different things. You can be Dominant even if you two are having fun and you do not need to be a b*tch all the time to show your dominance.
You need to accept the fact that if you both are in a Female Led Relationship, you are the Dom and he is the sub. Period. Getting into this role can be difficult but take things at your pace. Do not just rush into all the fantasies at once but try embracing your role. Just do not give up soon. And most importantly, COMMUNICATE!
I cannot stress enough, communicate with your sub. Tell him that you like the FLR but want to take things at your own pace. Tell him that you are there for him and his kinks but don’t want any pressure from his side. Discuss your doubts with him. Search on the web. Join forums. Connect with like-minded people and listen to their experiences at the beginning of their relationship. Maybe you will be able to resonate. But communicate – with your partner, with yourself, and with others. Don’t suppress your feelings. Establish trust factor and let him know that you are there for him.
He should not feel lonely in the FLR. He’ll be the best sub if you’re the best Dom and vice versa. Moving in and out of the FLR can be confusing for both individuals, so it is better to just express your emotions in front of your partner and grow together.
Happy Dominating!
