Listen men out there! if you want a real Female Led Relationship (FLR), not a weekend kink or a cosplay version of dominance, there are things you must stop doing, right now! These are the slow poisons that turn promising FLR attempts into confusion, resentment, or a one-off fetish.
Below I have accumulated some points/behaviors, how each behavior kills progress, and what to do instead. These are micro habits and mindset shifts that you HAVE TO start practicing today.
1. Stop telling your Dom how to dominate
There cannot be a more toxic behavior than telling and instructing your Dom to dominate you in a certain way. Every Dom’s domination style is different. Maybe you imagined something different in your head, but that does not matter now.
As a submissive, you will have to adapt to her style of dominance.
I’m not at all asking you to kill all your fantasies, no. But domination and submission is very different from kink and play time.
When you prescribe her dominance “do it like this, be more aggressive, say these words” — you’re back in control. You’re coaching her into your idea of dominance, not letting her become HERSELF.
Read – Helping her overcome her hesitations
Do this instead: Follow. Support. Model submission. Set up a feedback ritual or maybe a journaling ritual where you journal your thoughts each day or every couple of days. Your Dom will read your inner thoughts and will be able to learn about your likes/dislikes/expectations etc. This does not necessarily mean she will make all the changes that you want but she would be aware of your expectations.
Let her lead the how and the when. Praise her choices without rewriting them.
Affirm daily: “I trust your lead. Thank you for deciding what’s best.”
2. Stop rushing her timeline
Another very common mistake men make is to try to rush her through the process just because she has agreed to take charge. You cannot instill in her months or years of kinks and knowledge, that you’ve been fantasizing about, in a matter of few days.
You took your time to explore, now let her have her time.
She’s learning an identity shift. Pressure makes her recoil. Impatience makes her feel tested and judged.
Do this instead: Commit to the long-term game. Think in months(at least), not weekends. Count consistent small acts of submission (not grand nights) as currency. Daily affirm your submission. Ask her what makes her feel more dominant and try to incorporate those habits.
For three months, choose one small daily act of submission (e.g., morning greeting, asking permission for small things, following a simple household rule) and do it without fail.
Consistency builds FLRs. Speeding wrecks it.
Read – Why more women are embracing FLR
3. Flirt like a submissive, Always
“Always” is a keyword here. She should feel that you are submissive every time, not just when you feel like. If you’re an obedient slave one day while a sulking bratty servant the other, it’ll confuse her.
That inconsistency confuses her and signals your submission is conditional. She needs reliability. She needs to know that your submission is devotional, not transactional.
Do this instead: Be predictable in your submission. Create a few non-negotiable rituals and keep them. Rituals breed trust.
Example rituals:
- A daily verbal check-in: “How may I serve you today?”
- A small, consistent obedience (e.g., preparing her evening tea on request, kissing her feet).
- A weekly gratitude note for her leadership.
Must Read – How to make your wife more dominant in a Female Led Relationship
4. Stop using “dominance” as an excuse for laziness
If you would make her feel that her dominant role has actually increased her workload, she would be demotivated to lead.
What I mean here is that some men just wait for the orders to do even the most basic tasks just because they like to be ordered around.
Testing her dominance repeatedly just get a ‘bitchy’ response from her is a huge mistake and should never ever ever be practiced!
This behaviour is manipulative and typically termed as “Topping from the Bottom”.
Do this instead: Be useful. Submission is active service, not abdication. Take responsibilities off her plate when she asks, anticipate needs, and be emotionally present.
5. Stop weaponizing your sexuality or orgasms as currency
While it could be fun to get a reward for your service, always asking for a T&D session, orgasm, edging, ruined orgasm, etc. in return is going to demotivate her from ordering you around.
If she would feel that she has to bargain with you each time she orders, she would rather stop ordering.
Treating orgasm as a bribe or as emotional blackmail fractures trust. If you make release a bargaining chip, you’re reducing her agency and making dominance transactional.
As a submissive, it is your duty to make sure that your submission remains devotional and not transactional.
Do this instead: Let her control sexual structure respectfully and consensually. Accept denials without drama. Learn to find fulfillment in service, not just in release.
6. Not obeying instantly
Instant obedience is the best behavior a submissive can incorporate to boost his wife’s dominance. When a woman sees that her man is available at an instant to fulfil her demands, she starts getting comfortable ordering him around more and more.
On the other hand, if the man delays the orders, does not complete them on time or makes his Mistress wait, it undermines her authority and she prefers to do the task herself rather than waiting for her submissive to complete it.
If you think that this behavior will invite punishments from her end, then you are wrong. This will just make her believe that you are not being an active submissive and she would rather do the job herself than delegating it to you.
Do this instead: OBEY INSTANTLY! Be a SMART submissive
7. Stop flooding her with unsolicited advice and psychoanalysis
Making her feel that you know more than her, and offering her corrective feedback, unsolicited advice and analysis of her behavior each time is going to shake her confidence rather than building her personality.
You need to let her be herself!
A Dom needs to explore. She needs to connect with herself and have a man by her side who will support her in this journey.
Too much diagnosis is going to introduce fear and insecurity in her behavior.
Do this instead: Listen. Reflect. Ask gentle curiosity questions. Let her be herself.
Final, blunt truth
A real FLR isn’t built on theatrics or kink alone. It’s built on trust, consistency, and the willingness to make your life smaller so hers can grow larger. That requires courage — not in her, but in you. Stop the behaviors above. Start the micro-habits. Keep your ego in check. Be steady. Be useful. Be quiet when needed. Be loud when she asks for it.
If you do this, she can become the leader you both want her to be — confident, authentic, and undeniably in charge. And that? That’s worth the patience.