Hi Miss Sana,
First of all, I am glad I could find this website and you. I am sick of all these fantasy bullshit pages in the name of FLR help.
Sorry, if this question goes on long 😅. I am glad I found someone with whom I can ask suggestions on this. Please be patient 🙏.
I am a male aged 28. I am in relationship with my gf from 2 years, We may get married next year. Last year, I was once stumbled upon some femdom content online, it peaked my interest. Slowly, I got into it , loved it more and more. But i am afraid to discuss this with my gf because even I don’t know if I can adhere to complete real submission. I don’t want to drag her into this commitment even when I am not sure whether I can uphold it. I don’t want to hurt her, our relationship. You know fantasies are fantasies right, i don’t know what consequences they can bring up when applied in real life (outside bedroom) … When I came across your articles, i could relate to them and I wished these are things I want in my life..
I have tried giving her some hints like licking her feet during intercourse, asking everytime her decision on what clothes i should buy.. small things like that.. but she didn’t got hold off those and didn’t lead upon to anything. So inshort, giving out my 3 questions
1. How can I know I am a real submissive person, atleast to my fiance ( I don’t believe that people are born submissive thing and I can’t rely on this fantasy bullshit)
2. If I start committing into this relationship with my gf. How can I start? I am not sure what safe words or hard limits I can commit to. Is there a range for it. Are these changeble time to time upon some common agreement..
3. How to bounce back into FLR relation whenever either of us feel the spark is off or thinking like “why did I chose to be this” when something happens. I am sure every relationships have ups and downs, Any situations that you faced with your partner but patched it up afterwards.
I just want to clear this thing with her, I feel guilty of not doing till now. I am sure she understands what I want from us. i believe she will be up for it if I have asked. I love her no matter what but I would feel like I am in heaven when I come home, crawling to her on my all fours after a hectic day in office. Please help to advice.
ANSWER
Refer to the captioned picture above. I’ll also now answer to each one of your questions.
- A submissive man is a man who willingly surrenders his power to his Dom. Being submissive is a choice, just like being in an FLR is a choice. I mean, there are people who have been brought up in such a way that they develop Dominant or submissive personality, but I believe it is a choice.
If you want to put your fiancée’s needs before you, if you want to prioritize her in the bedroom and outside the bedroom, if you trust her decision-making, and if you can follow her lead even when you think otherwise, you can be submissive to her. (Disclaimer: Always be practical. Sometimes I think it should be obvious but I feel the need to state it anyway.) - Humans keep on changing with time. You are a totally different person than you were 8 years ago. You may not have thought that you had submissive fantasies a couple of years ago. So yes, nothing is static and things will keep on changing.
You both need to have a lot of honest communication to get to know each other’s fantasies, interests, turn-ons and hard limits. Better to be prepared than to experiment and get emotionally hurt later on. - FLR isn’t 24/7 Dopamine play, as they portray online. It is a normal relationship with a shift in power dynamics. You will have ups and downs but you just need to be true to your roles. You cannot expect an upward-sloping graph all the time.
There are times when we both are enjoying, having inside jokes in public and can’t get enough of each other, and then comes a phase that is silent in terms of FLR and we’re just having fun which is mostly traditional (or vanilla?)
Being comfortable with the fact that you are Dominant and submissive in the absence of any kink play is the true test of a strong FLR I guess.
Hope this helps. Feel free to reach out. Good luck with your wedding next year. 🙂
